JESSICA E. JOHNSON

The Shame of It


Is not that I caught the fish
by accident, not that I cast 
just once into the lake 
to remember how
so I could show the kids

Not that I said I don’t like this I don’t 
like this & shivered
severing her head, recalling
from childhood 
gill to gill, throat to anus
the belly sliding open easily…

Not even the true sin: that I didn’t think 
before my barbless cast to gather everything
I’d need to kill her well

It’s when I saw her hooked so deep 
I knew she wouldn’t live
& grabbed the line to draw her close
& tugged her organs back up through her throat
& couldn’t bring myself to touch
her gasping rainbow body. I had the nerve
to fear the fierce spade of her tongue
the gall to keep my fingers from her teeth.



224 The Paris-American
Jessica E. Johnson writes poetry and nonfiction. She's the author of the book-length poem Metabolics, the chapbook In Absolutes We Seek Each Other, and the forthcoming memoir Mettlework. Her poems, essays, and reviews have appeared in The Paris Review, Tin House, The New Republic, Poetry Northwest, River Teeth, DIAGRAM, Annulet Poetics, The Southeast Review, and Sixth Finch. She teaches at Portland Community College and co-hosts the Constellation Reading Series.